Contact us

0845 130 6225 or 020 3478 0100 or click here.

Helping children with upper limb differences live life without limits

  • Ideas for fundraising
    • Fundraise for Reach
    • How to donate to Reach
    • Fundraising stars
  • Who are Reach?
    • Children show us what makes Reach awesome!
    • Who are Reach?
    • Become a Branch Coordinator
    • Reach Brand Guidelines
    • Vision, Governance & Policies
    • Research Resources
      • Partner Organisations
  • Upper limb difference
    • Causes of Congenital Hand Differences (CHDs)
    • Is surgery an option?
    • Writing from experience: ‘5 Tips on how I got to acceptance with my limb difference’
    • What is it like to live with one arm?
  • Early years
    • Early years
    • What to expect: referrals and appointments
    • Your first visit to a Limb Centre
    • Car seat adaption
  • Disability Living Allowance
    • Can I claim Disability Living Allowance (DLA)?
    • Transfering to Personal Independence Payments (PIP)
  • School years
    • Starting school
    • Dealing with questions
    • Starting school – a teacher’s perspective
    • Dealing with issues at school
    • Riding a bike
    • Teacher training & classroom resources
  • Learning to drive
    • Joseph passing his driving test
    • Apply for a Reach Bursary
  • Helping kids explore their musical talents
    • One Handed Recorder and Scissor Kits to hire
    • Nicolas McCarthy – one handed pianist
    • Single Handed Clarinet
    • I Can…..
  • Checkout
  • Hire Equipment from us
  • Newsletter & Blogs
    • Inspirational WithinReach Blogs
    • Within Reach downloadable PDF’s
    • Privacy and Cookie Policy
  • Reach: Insights #NoLimits Webinar Series
  • Reach’s Inspirational Speakers
    • Young Adult Reach Member stories
    • Videos of members, trustees and staff
You are here: Home / A Reach Parents Perspective: Amy Roskilly

A Reach Parents Perspective: Amy Roskilly

It’s OK to not be OK.

“My biggest fear was seeing my worries in her eyes” Amy Roskilly

Searingly honest, this powerful piece was a rare glimpse into the emotional turmoil of a parent faced with the birth of a child with a difference. Her list of lessons learned would be enormously helpful and reassuring to parents expecting or living with a Reach baby.


“I have learned a huge amount in the three years since Hero was born. The first lesson was that it is OK to be NOT OK. I had already been diagnosed with prenatal depression and when we heard about Hero’s hand, I was already not OK. I struggled a bit but I turned immediately to Reach and everybody was happy and their kids were thriving but I was not OK. I felt a lot of guilt about not being OK and the guilt made everything ten times worse.

Beating myself up about feeling bad. So the lesson was it’s OK to NOT be OK. It doesn’t mean you love your children less or that you don’t care. Of course you do.

The second lesson was that is OK to feel OK. I felt my child stood out for being incredible. And it is OK to feel lucky and blessed that they are different.

The third lesson was that it has never been as bad as I feared. It has never manifested itself as badly as `I thought it would. As a Reach parent, perhaps we worry a bit more but we have got an extra concern. My biggest fear was seeing my worries in her eyes. I didn’t want her to be upset. Learning that the way `I pictured things, like going to baby groups, it never happened the way I had worried about it. Realising that my worry is not going to happen is consoling.

My fourth lesson was to beware the hyper vigilance trap. Hero had just learned to walk. We were on a visit to HMS Victory and I heard someone behind me say ‘Oh my god, where is your hand?’ I was going to kill him until I saw that Nelson had lost his arm in battle and the man’s child had tucked his arm inside his jacket and was pretending to be Nelson. I was being hyper vigilant. If you are feeling insecure, you look at people as potentially judging you.

The fifth lesson was that it’s not ‘just a hand’, but sometimes it is. Last year Alex Brooker said having two hands was a luxury not a necessity but I don’t want anyone else telling me that it could be worse. Most of the time now it doesn’t matter. It is ‘just a hand’ and we don’t notice it.

My sixth lesson was that my child is my best teacher. Reach people were incredible. Before Hero was born it helped seeing people going through what I was going to be having. The most powerful healing though has been watching her grow up. So if you are expecting a Reach baby now, just give it time. I have got calmer and calmer with each birthday that passes. Watching her grow is what helps me.

The seventh lesson is that she will find her own way. Let them go and find their way.

The eighth is that bones heal stronger but words can sear you and hurt for a very long time. Some things you hear will cut you to the core. When Hero was a baby, a lovely caring seven year old said it was a shame she only had one arm as she could be so much more fun if she had two. Those words still make my heart ache. How do you react? It’s OK not to react or you can use the situation to educate them.

Lesson nine: Hero is not sharing MY fears. Knowing that she was not feeling my fears was a huge relief. She is not suffering the way I am suffering. The emotional journey has to be the biggest thing but it is a matter of learning to trust her.

Lesson ten: We were worried we were going to be linked to a charity for the rest of our lives but now we realise it is wonderful and we have met great people. I found Reach very visible but I used to be a journalist and I felt overwhelmed and I found Reach the same day that we found out about her hand. I found I was not alone and I was so relieved I was not isolated.


Read the entire Within Reach Winter 2019 magazine here: https://reach.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Within-Reach-Winter-2019-web-copy11571.pdf


Watch Amys inspiring story here:

Type in a word and search the website

Donate via PayPal

Donate via JustGiving

Join Reach

Get social

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Instagram

View on Instagram

Meet the bloggers

Watch & read experiences from some of our incredible community
Woman with limb difference goes on self-love journey, ‘Being different is amazing’

“The positive power of being different” - Baylee Abbott

"If I Can" Film made by Anoushe Husain

Born Without a Hand

Though she be but little
(please note these link to 3rd party sites)

Our Address

C/o TEH, Pearl Assurance House, Brook Street, Tavistock, Devon, PL19 0BN Charity numbers: England and Wales: 1134544, Scotland: SC049805. Company Limited by Guarantee. 07054164

Email us

reach@reach.org.uk

Get Social with us

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2022 ·

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
Cookie SettingsAccept All
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT

Privacy Policy - Terms and Conditions - Privacy Policy